Dirt Bike Girl defines .....

Dirt Bike Girl defines Dirt Bike Lingo for the masses.

By: Maggi Weinhagen

Ahhhhh, wouldn't it be nice if your lovely lady knew as much about dirt bike racing as you did? Imagine the conversations, snuggled together in front of Speedvision, giggling about pistons and rings, playing footsie while discussing suspension sag . . . Well fellas, here's a chance to get her started along that road. Monthly I will include definitions, nuggets of wisdom, gleaned from my years spent hanging around my race-guy, from a female perspective. Pass it on to your lady . . . and let the magic begin.

Bike Shop - Where the devil lives! Tempting men into acts of heinous financial evil. These are almost never located anywhere near the mall you're trying to drag him to on Saturday so don't fall for this trick. This is also the place you'll be spending your lunch hour, picking up oil and tires because it's closer to your work than his.

Maggi Weinhagen, Editor of the Norsemen MC Newsletter

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2nd Edition

Dirt Bike Girl defines Dirt Bike Lingo for the masses.

By: Maggi Weinhagen

Hello ladies, and welcome to Conversational Dirt Biker 101. Today we'll continue defining some commonly-used dirt bike and race terms. So if you'll please turn to page 13 in your "Man-Speak: So much more than Grunts and Farts" manuals, and let's begin.

Spoke: Remember when you first laid eyes on that man o'yours? Well, "spoke" is that thing he did just after that, which *should* have clued you in to the fact he just might be as big a retread as the rest of them and caused you to run, screaming, into the night. Siiiiiiiiigh . . . When will we learn?

Good Towels: Shop rags.

Blown Motor: If you ever hear this phrase while he's unloading his bike after a race, grab the checkbook and RUN, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

Cookware: Solvent tanks.

Wrench: Hear that musical clanging followed by the thump of a hard metal object striking the wall between the garage and the house? That's a wrench.

Pamprin: The only thing you had with you the day he crashed at the track. After you hastily scratched the telltale little "p" off of each tablet, you didn't say a word now, did you? Let him think that the fresh new attitude and reduced water retention were merely gifts from God . . .

HEY Did you see? There is a new series starting this month on the Disney Channel (yes, I watch that channel! A girl needs a break from Speedvision occasionally.) It's all about kids dirt biking, well, a girl who is better than the boys. That should boost the number of entries in the youth classes!

Maggi Weinhagen, Editor of the Norsemen MC Newsletter

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Round Three

Conversational Dirt Biker 101

Dirt Bike Girl defines dirt bike lingo for the masses.

Definitions of some commonly used dirt bike and race terms.

By: Maggi Weinhagen

Rim: Looks just like a ring, only bigger, so don't be surprised if he gets the two confused when shopping for your birthday present. Instead of getting mad, remember - your anniversary's coming up, and you just might wind up with that sprocket you've had your eye on if you're reaaaaaaally lucky . . .

Sprocket: A good thing to know because it sounds cool and if you blurt it out real loud during a conversation about racing, everyone will turn and give you a good long considering look.

Socket: Not to be confused with "sprocket" because it sounds nowhere near as impressive. A socket is that little silver thing he'll ask you to hand him when you bring him his beer in the garage. They have little numbers engraved on the side; for instance, "9mm" is a 9-millimeter socket. Try to hand him at least two or three of the ones that have numbers NOT corresponding to the requested dimension, in the hopes one of them will fit before you have to retrieve the correct one, which has rolled off the workbench, bounced off the cement floor, and landed securely in a big sticky spider web in the corner under last summer's lawn chairs.

Maggi Weinhagen, Editor of the Norsemen MC Newsletter

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Round Four

Conversational Dirt Biker 101

Dirt Bike Girl defines dirt bike lingo for the masses.

Definitions of some commonly used dirt bike and race terms.

By: Maggi Weinhagen

Grip: The amount of pressure applied to you-know-who's windpipe when you find the bike shop receipt on the kitchen table. (Now don't go feeling sorry for Jay, I'm just kidding!)

Forks: A poor substitute for using your fingers at the dinner table.

Silverware: Auxiliary bike tools.

Tool Box: That dented metal box that contains three squashed beer cans, a rusty Leatherman tool, some old linty peanuts, the socket he was searching high and low for last week (and swore you stole), a comb, some zip ties, the plastic straw from a can of WD-40, and an empty Black Sabbath tape case. For some reason, this box weighs seventy pounds. For some reason, you will wind up lugging this elephant fifty yards to where he is working on his bike, BUT - you will be treated to watching him and three of his buddies remove a tire with that comb and the cover to "We Sold Our Soul For Rock'n'Roll".

Maggi Weinhagen, Editor of the Norsemen MC Newsletter

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Round Five

Conversational Dirt Biker 101

Dirt Bike Girl defines dirt bike lingo for the masses.

Definitions of some commonly used dirt bike and race terms.

By: Maggi Weinhagen

Donuts: The "VP race fuel" for the human body, especially when consumed in large quantities (with or without gatorade) off the tailgate of the truck at the race. (Dirt on the donut is a plus, due to the added mineral content.) Men will eat anything; men prefer donuts.

SA Slurpee: Nature's perfect sports drink: Electrolyte replacement, advanced hydration and FDA Red Dye Number 5, all in one big bucket cup that can later double as a colorful Shriner hat after many post-race beers.

Nachos: Pre-race carbohydrate supplements. Also very useful as pre-glued tire patches.

Race Gas: The noxious combination of starting-line nerves and nachos for breakfast.

Maggi Weinhagen, Editor of the Norsemen MC Newsletter

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